You know, the good folks of my adoptive county are so full of themselves sometimes…'Appen today is Yorkshire Day.
BBC: Animal welfare takes on religion
The [UK] government has rejected a call to ban the method used to kill animals for halal and kosher meat that is required by Muslims and Jews. While animal welfare activists claim the process is cruel, Jews and Muslims say the rules dictated by their ancient religious texts cannot be changed.
Good job there aren't any major religions that are into human sacrifice, eh? Or fox hunting. Now, if only we could get them smoking in pubs…
I was shopping in Sainsbury's today. I was looking for some diced pork to use in a rather excellent spaghetti recipe that I recently came across. I thought I'd spotted just what I was after near the bacon, only to discover that it was a British product going by the unlikely name of Lardon (which sounded like an aroused pig to me). Next to it was a similar product which was being marketed as Bacon Bits. Call me a snob, but neither of these products had quite the same ring to them as the Italian product I eventually bought: Cubetti di Pancetta.
What is it with us Brits and marketing? Why do we always under-sell our products? Take wine: many years ago, we discovered a way of adding bubbles to it, so we dubbed it sparkling wine. Then along came the French, who stole the idea, and the next thing you know, everyone's drinking champagne.
It's time we sexed things up a bit.
Come on, chaps (no pun intended), what better excuse do you need?
New Scientist: Frequent ejaculation may protect against cancer
Frequent sexual intercourse and masturbation protects men against a common form of cancer, suggests the largest study of the issue to date yet.
To date yet, eh?
But hang on a minute:
New Scientist: Diet of worms can cure bowel disease
Regular doses of worms really do rid people of inflammatory bowel disease. The first trials of the treatment have been a success, and a drinkable concoction containing thousands of pig whipworm eggs could soon be launched in Europe.
This is absolutely true: I was washing my hair on Friday (Good Friday), when I glanced down and saw a few loose strands of hair floating on the water. They spelt my name: Rich.
It was a sign from God—there can be no other logical explanation.
The other strands of hair in the water were clearly about to rearrange themselves into an instruction to go to the Land of Egypt, or something like that, when I twiched and a drop of water fell off the end of my nose and obliterated the Word of God.
I couldn't help it. The Devil made me do it.
Fluttering noises/interference when burning music CDs? Your CDs might have been damaged by sunlight.
I publish this here in the hope that it will be picked up by the various search engines that couldn't resolve the problem for me.
BBC: Young female chimps upstage males (15-Apr-04)
It would seem young female chimpanzees take their studies a little more seriously than their male classmates, a study in the journal Nature has shown. Females learn from their mothers how to gather termites much faster than males - who prefer to spend more of their time playing.
But the females are apparently totally crap at reading maps and throwing, and they have an irrational fondness for cushions, curtain tie-backs and decorating.
2blowhards.com: The Structure of Aesthetic Revolutions II
…As a result, one of the duties of the American elite was to spend their time having exquisite experiences that would ennoble their offspring. And experiences in painting don't get much more 'exquisite' than in the Tonalist landscapes of John Henry Twachtman or George Inness:
J. H. Twachtman, Arques-la-Bataille, 1885
That's Twachtman… T-W-A-C-H-T-M-A-N.
(Great painting, though.)
Talking, as I was, about people with unfortunate names, I couldn't help noticing that there is a junior health minister named Dr Stephen Ladyman.
Apparently, he's fed up of all the jokes and is going to change his name to Dr Ivor Ladyman.
BBC: Ice-cream sellers feel the heat (20-Apr-04)
There's chilling news for the American consumer: ice-cream prices are about to sky-rocket. According to the National Ice Cream Retailers Association (NICRA), the price of an average cone could jump by 30% this summer alone.
Gee, folks… Let's go invade Iran!
From an email to Carolyn:
Do you remember that 'First World War Songs' Christmas concert in 1975, when eight of us boys had to kneel down beseechingly on one knee in front of eight of you girls and sing, 'You Are My Honeysuckle'? And, wouldn't you just know it, I had to kneel down in front of you! Why on earth would anyone do that to a shy, ten-year-old boy? I was SO embarrassed (especially as my mum was in the audience, and she kept teasing me that I would marry you one day and become a vicar or a farmer).
And, after the song, the parents gave us a standing ovation, and yelled for an encore, so Mrs Coates made us do it all over again! (Still, it was a lot less embarassing than being an oompa-loompa the year before.)
Earlier in the concert, while we were singing 'Good-bye-ee', Colin Fletcher made stuff come out of my nose by singing, "...though it's hard to fart, I know" instead of "...though it's hard to part, I know". My sense of humour was pretty highly developed even then.
Actually, come to think of it, that's why Colin Fletcher and I were chosen to kneel down beseechingly on one knee in front of you girls in the first place - because he sang "fart" during the rehearsal too, and Mrs Coates saw the two of us snotting ourselves and decided to teach us a lesson.
Do you remember Mrs Coates, the music teacher? She told us that John Lennon had been a school-friend of her son, and that she had taught him music too - and Cilla Black (or Pricilla White, as she said she knew her). I didn't believe Mrs Coates even then.
BBC: Man Utd 0-1 Liverpool
… Liverpool's triumph - their third at Old Trafford in four years - ended the very slim mathematical chance United still had of winning the title.
That'll do nicely. Well done, lads.
BBC: Basques mourn symbolic oak tree
Authorities in the Spanish city of Guernica are mourning the death of a 146-year-old oak tree seen as a symbol of Basque nationalist pride…The tree was the third "Guernica oak", continuing a tradition that stretches back to medieval times. The first tree to stand on the spot was planted in the 14th century and lived for about 400 years. According to legend, King Ferdinand and Queen Isabella came to Guernica in 1476 and swore an oath under the tree, pledging to maintain the Basques' ancient privileges…
Basque regional presidents still swear a modern-day oath of loyalty to the Basque people under the tree.
Officials say the now-dead oak will be preserved in the council's gardens alongside its two predecessors.
A replacement tree will be planted in January.
It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.
I don't care if they're genuine or not, SchoolZone's alleged list of metaphors from actual GCSE essays has just had me laughing my head off—like a man who can see the funny side of being decapitated.
