Cradock's masterpiece

As is explained elsewhere, a rare copy of Fanny Cradock's rip-roaring roller coaster of a novel, The Lormes of Castle Rising has come into my possession.

And the fantastic news is:

IT COULD BE YOURS !!!

That's right, I'm literally giving it away.

To stand a chance of winning my almost pristine personal copy of this WINNER OF THE NATIONAL LISTENING LIBRARY AWARD, all you have to do is write a limerick on the subject of Fanny Cradock. [Don't worry if you've never heard of Fanny Cradock, there's an article about her over at Wikipedia.]

There's a competition entry form at the bottom of this page, but to avoid disappointment, please read the competition rules first.

GOOD LUCK !!!

Competition Rules

1. No purchase necessary. To enter the competition, simply submit your limerick via the form below.
2. You can submit as many entries as you like.
3. The judge's decision is final. No correspondence will be entered into regarding the results of the competition.
4. Should the prize become unavailable for whatever reason (through theft, fire, flood, etc.), I reserve the right to replace it with a prize of similar value (50 pence).
5. You need to submit your email address with your entry. This will not be divulged to anyone or anything else, and will only be used in connection with this competition. I hate spamming sons of filth as much as everyone else.
6. Competition entries must be your own original work.
7. Limericks which do not have anything to do with Fanny Cradock will be disqualified, but the judge will allow a lot of artistic leeway.
8. You will retain copyright of your limerick(s), but, in submitting an entry, you grant me permission to publish the limerick, along with your name, on the Gruts website—even if it doesn't win.
9. Any limericks which do not adhere to the standard limerick rhyme scheme (AABBA—got that, Mick?) will be disqualified…
10. although highly contrived rhymes are allowed (and, indeed, encouraged).
11. entries spelling Cradock with two d's will be immediately disqualified.
12. unimaginative rhymes involving the word haddock will not necessarily be penalised.
13. American readers please note, your slang word fanny has a different meaning to the British slang word fanny. Confusing the two can lead to all sorts of Carry-On-Filmesque hilarity.
14. the deadline for submissions will be some arbitrary date after 30th June, 2005.