Compare and contrast:
Mary Midgely (Guardian, 30-Sep-2006): During the last century Hitler, Stalin and Pol Pot found no difficulty in committing the three most monstrous crimes of all time, not only without the help of religion but in open opposition to it.
Adolf Hitler (Mein Kampf, 1925): Hence today I believe that I am acting in accordance with the will of the Almighty Creator: by defending myself against the Jew, I am fighting for the work of the Lord.
With enemies like that, who needs friends?
(He was a vegetarian too, you know. And a fervent anti-smoker. Doesn't necessarily make him a bad person, though.)
…so I've decided not to let it bother me.
New Scientist: Women become sexually aroused as quickly as men
(Yeah, right!)
Women may have a reputation of demanding lengthy foreplay, but they become sexually aroused as quickly as men, according to a new study that used thermal imaging to measure increased blood flow to genital regions…
Subjects were naked from the waist down and positioned themselves such that their genital area was exposed and readable by the thermal imaging device. The participants next watched [a video of the Canadian countryside], or one featuring pornography, horror or comedic clips from the Best Bits of Mr Bean.
Mr Bean? Who are these pervs?
The BBC missed a great opportunity to educate the general public today:
BBC: Shoelace tag valued above gold
A simple tag to prevent shoelaces from fraying was deemed to be worth more than gold by the indigenous Cubans who traded with Christopher Columbus…
These tags were used from the 15th Century onwards in Europe, to prevent the ends of laces fraying, and to ease threading in the points for fastening clothes.
The native Taino people of Cuba often threaded the tags into necklaces.
The word's not tag; it's aglet.
Compare and contrast (my emphasis added):
BBC: Barrymore admits suicide thoughts
Entertainer Michael Barrymore has admitted he considered ending his life after the death of a man in his swimming pool in 2001.
… Barrymore, who has published a new book called Awight Now, Setting The Record Straight, said he hoped audiences would accept him again so that he could stage a comeback.
Guardian: Blunkett: how I cracked under the strain of scandal
David Blunkett today reveals the full extent of his emotional turmoil at the time of his resignation as home secretary, admitting that he "cracked" and that "at one point I really did think I was going mad".
… He is now re-entering the political arena with a controversial memoir based on the taped diaries he recorded at the end of each week.
Anyone might think that writing an autobiography causes one to start admitting to sure-fire, headline-grabbing angst.
Compare and contrast:
BBC: Vatican to review state of limbo
…The Catholic Church is concerned about the grief suffered by the parents of stillborn babies, which could be compounded if they believed the souls of their children were to be excluded from heaven.
Times: Pope tries to win hearts and minds by saving souls of unbaptised babies
…For the Church, looking to spread the faith in countries with a high infant mortality rate, now is a good time to make it absolutely clear that stillborn babies of Christian mothers go direct to Heaven, too.
On a personal note, I think the Pope will be making a huge mistake is he scraps the concept of limbo simply because it's a ridiculous idea with no basis in reality. It would set a very dangerous precedent.
Compare and contrast:
Gruts (13-Oct-2004): Soundbite Science
One of my pet gripes is something I call soundbite science: so-called scientific studies whose sole purpose is to generate a bit of cheap publicity for someone…
BBC: Critics attack new science GCSE
The new GCSE science curriculum has been branded "sound bite science" which takes a back-to-front approach.
I could probably sue.
One of her so-called friends has told Carolyn's elder daughter that Father Christmas isn't real. Now she's beginning to have doubts about the Tooth Fairy.
It'll be God next, mark my words.
From an Instant Messaging conversation with Carolyn last Sunday:
R: … Hey, look what I'm sitting in front of.
C: I thought that photo of you was behind fish-net stockings!
R: What would I be doing with fish-net stockings? (Don't answer that!)
Jen and I went for a nice walk to a graveyard today. We found the grave of someone who used to live at our house! It had the name of the house on the gravestone (spelt wrong!). How spooky is that?C: How do you definitely know it was your house if it was spelt wrong?
You've got to hand it to Carolyn: her logic is absolutely impeccable.
… I can't believe I just wrote that!
I fully appreciate that I can't be the first person to have remarked on this, but I've just noticed that the current leader of the Scottish National Party is named Alex Salmond and his deputy is named Nicola Sturgeon.
We have a right to know.
When you think about it, a B.Sc. is pretty much the same as a B.A., which is pretty much the same as a Ph.D.
It's just a matter of degrees.
For reasons I won't bore you with, yesterday, I arranged to meet Carolyn outside Asda at 4:30pm to hand over a pink rucksack with fairies on it.
At 4:40pm, I rang her to find out where the hell she was. It turned out she believed we'd agreed to meet at her mum's house, from where she would give me a lift to Asda. I have absolutely no idea why she might have thought this, but I didn't press the point. She said she'd meet me outside Asda in ten minutes.
Fifteen minutes later, I phoned her to find out where the hell she was.
"I'm inside Asda," she said. "Where are you?"
"I'm at the door, just like we agreed, standing around, looking like a complete lemon."
"Well, I'm in here, standing around, looking like a complete banana."
BBC: Experts create invisibility cloak
A US-British team of scientists has successfully tested a cloak of invisibility in the laboratory.
I had a dream last night in which I wondered to myself, "Why do we say disinterred, rather than unburied?"
Now I'm even thinking up this shit in my sleep!
BBC: Israel admits phosphorous bombing
Israel has for the first time admitted it used controversial phosphorous bombs during fighting against Hezbollah in Lebanon in July and August.
That's chemical weapons to you and me.
You might remember that Saddam Hussein is currently on trial for, amongst other things, using those sorts of weapons. But Saddam, of course, is an evil war-monger, whereas Israel is participating in a war on terrorism.
So that's all right, then.
- BBC: UK 'tops energy wasters league'
- BBC: UK 'tops binge drinking league'
- BBC: UK 'number one al-Qaeda target'
Way to go, UK!
Those of you travelling on the Italian private airline Air One this month might like to check out their excellent in-flight magazine, Top Fly. On page 14, there's what I assume is a riveting article in Italian about Tiger Woods. The article is accompanied by a photograph taken by yours truly at the Open this year:
OK, so it isn't exactly National Geographic, but what the heck? In lieu of my usual fee, the magazine is making a small donantion to Amnesty International.
BBC: Bush enters Cheney 'torture row'
US President George Bush has reiterated his position that the US administration does not condone torture, following comments by Vice-President Dick Cheney.
Hell, I detest Cheney as much as the next guy, but I have to agree with Bush on this one: torturing him seems a little bit harsh.
(Unless it's just a quick dunk in the water, I suppose.)
You just know the hacks at the Beeb were fighting over who got to write this one:
Today's Observer (our butler reads it) has an interesting interview with Tom Waits.
For those of you not in the know, Tom Waits is to music what Phil Collins is to music divided into ten to the power of Candle In the Wind's awfulness. If Beefheart is God, then Waits is His messenger on earth.
The fantastic news is that Waits has a new 3-CD box set of rarities out next month entitled Orphans (Amazon UK|US), which is split into three themes: Brawlers, Bawlers and (Peter McGrath please note) Bastards.
But the Observer piece contained a blonde bombshell:
The actor Scarlett Johansson has just announced her plan to record an entire album of Waits's songs next year.
Which suggests one rather obvious question:
W H Y ? ! !
Don't get me wrong, I haven't got anything against Scarlett Johansson (unfortunately). In fact, I have a bit of a soft spot for her, so to speak, because, in the right light, she bears an uncanny resemblance to Stense's babe sister. But why do people who clearly aren't Tom Waits have to go and make entire albums of Tom Waits songs as if they had anything to add?
It simply isn't possible to cover a Tom Waits song without messing it up. Hasn't Ms Johansson heard the travesty that was Rod Stewart's version of Tom Traubert's Blues, or Screaming Jay Hawkins's rendition of Heartattack and Vine (which was doing OK until Screaming Jay inexplicably decided to substitute himself for the Supreme Creator in the immortal line, Don't you know there ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk)? I mean, even the Boss struggled which his version of Jersey Girl, which is all well and good, but how do you improve on perfection?
No offence, Ms J, but, if you really feel the need to record some songs, why not try writing some of your own? Failing that, why not cover some Phil Collins classics (I use the word loosely)? It would be difficult indeed to do injustice to You And Me In Paradise.
