Gruts

Down our way it is the job of the local town crier to taste all the various ales at the start of the beer festival....shall I put your name down?

In the seventies, the town crier in Christchurch used to ride around the town on a penny farthing bike. Except during the beer festival, of course.

I'm yet to be taken for anyone famous, but a small girl in the supermarket did turn to her Daddy the other day, point at me and exclaim "Funny Man!".  I do get that sort of thing.

Win XP & the somewhat outdated IE 6.  Nothing very fancy

Another great video for you on youtube ...'she was beautiful...i swear' by kevin sage. the end is soooo funny

Silly me...it's Cheryl Ladd!

You are, indeed, mistaken. (But it really is Les Dennis.)

Wow! & if I'm not mistaken, isn't that Mia Farrow on the left of the picture?

I get mistaken for Steven Spielburg all the time. I once shaved the beard off & people started asking me if I was Eric Clapton.

As far as I am aware, neither of them are over 6' 2" & weigh around 19 stones.....ho hum.....such is life

I work with a guy called Vince Miller. Every time someone says his name, we all sing 'we will not let you go'.....I bet he hates Bohemian Rhapsody!

And let us not forget racing driver James Hunt.

[HOLY SHIT!! God's honest truth, the anti-spam code for this comment was TWATS!]

More parents should give their children names that rhyme. Although I would imagine Val Venis the wrestler is relieved that his didn't.

Doesn't happen for me. Are you using some weird computer or weird browser or something?

Sorry - that was me.  Having cookie issues as well as wine issues here.

BTW - your site complains that all the "required" fields are blank, but posts the comment anyway.  Not sure if that's intentional.

Nicely done.

I opened more than 200 bottles of wine in a night once.  That was quite a party.  Can't say my technique was quite so elegant, however.

I've just realised, I don't think Matthew Pinsent is capable of having children: I'm sure I read somewhere that he was cock-less.

Ba-da-bissssssshhhhhh!!

What a strange choice of picture. A pensive head attached to a huge back. Pointing at you.

Once again the Swedish Landrace and the Markhor are overlooked. Sometimes I wonder why I bother.

I'm only nasty about Geography to wind up Irish Mick, who has a Geography degree.

Agreed.  But it's also not the totally mickey-mouse subject that lots of rowers, and indeed royals for that matter, achieve very poor degrees in so that they can supposedly be on the student body.

Oddly, I remember being taught that pH was a logarithmic scale in a geography lesson at school and wondering why they had never thought to mention it in science lessons.

Yes, but Geography isn't exactly a difficult subject, is it? You never hear anyone say, "I never understood Geography at school. I could never get my head round the concept of ox-bow lakes."

But if my child turned out a girl

I'd call her Milicent, or maybe Pearl.

[Hummm... needs more work I suspect.]

I knew a girl who was at Oxford with Matthew Pinsent. Apparently not only is he a multiple-gold-winning Olympic rower and got something like a first in Geography at Oxford, he's also a really nice guy. Don't you just hate people like that.

Surely, that should read Enter t' dragon!

If the rumours about her being a man are true, the 'O' will not exist!

Carolyn wears her yellow Marigolds so that she can also be a bee-holder.

(Do you see what I did there?)

IANABK but surely pulling on bright yellow Marigolds undermines the value of wearing a bee-fooling camouflage bee-suit? Bees are more likely to be freaked out by disembodied yellow hands floating towards them than an uncamouflaged keeper, no?

Actually I don't think the bees are likely to be at all fooled by the camouflage. It's almost certainly better to wear a stripey yellow-and-black jumper and try to gain their confidence.

You mean this?

If she's that good with a bottle opener....just think of the possibilities......

shhh! she thinks he's Chris Moyles!

no apologies for wanting to share this with you

youtube opera company of philadelphia flash brindisi

It's amazing & I guarantee you will watch it over & over

I gave my friend Carolyn a call on Tuesday to see how she was doing. It's the sort of thing friends do.

"I was looking at your website the other night," she blurted. "It's not as good as it used to be."

Carolyn may just have a point.

I can't imagine what she possibly sees in you.

What are you suggesting Mr. Carter?...that's gross!

They may have to lay off one or two stable-hands, or even the upstairs chamber stable-hand.

Weird thing is I don't remember that version of the saying "make hay while the rain pours".

Any six between one & fortynine!

and remember....never carry more than you are prepared to eat. No, that was cannabis...sorry...never gamble more than you are prepared to lose!

I am envious both of your good fortune in finding them - and your commercial acumen in getting them at a discount! What lottery numbers do you recommend?

'Double Bubble'!

I visited my local used vinyl emporium & picked up a Marble Arch 10 track mono copy of Safe as Milk. I had only ever seen one previously & thet was the one I bought in 1969 which started off the infatuation with the Cap. I sold it when they reissued the 12 track stereo one.

Even more......behind it was an original Liberty label copy of The Bonzos album Gorilla for the same price of £12. Even more already....He took £20 for the pair. Now read on dot dot dot

...I have looked into it, and I haven't a clue!

That's odd. It only seems to happen some of the time, which is even odder. I'll look into it.

How come the system recognises me and uses my icon but still calls me anonymous?

I'm loathe to say it, but now that Carolyn has made that comment I agree with her. I most enjoy the posts where we get to see inside the 'worm-riddled' brain of our favourite blogger.

The best way to cost them real money is to click the links - which I frequently do.

You should see whether you can bankrupt some creationists by calling on all of the FCDs, their partners, children, goldfish etc to set up Gmail accounts and rant at length about Darwin and evolution.  It's the petty victories that are the most satisfying.

Funny you should say that: 'No Service' in Hebden Bridge at the moment (which is unusual). Thank goodness for wifi.

Assuming you can get a signal.

Sorry to hear about your step-father.

Wish I'd known you had guns going spare: there's a couple of cats which keep visiting my garden that need sorting out.

Q. What do you call a scouse woman over 25, pushing a pram?

A. Grandma!

We watched the final in a bar in the Latin Quarter of Paris. Most of the customers were Spain supporters...It didn't matter to me who won, the atmosphere was totally amazing.

My step-father died a couple of weeks ago. He had always made comments about shooting pigeons & rats etc. While clearing the house, we found an arsenal of guns, knives & swords. We phoned the police & they sent a 'firearms squad' with their own guns & bullet proof clothing to remove them safely. You should have seen the curtains twitching!

There! First tweak implemented! What do you mean, you can't spot any difference? You can now comment from an iPhone!

I used to live in New Zealand. It was great for many reasons. One minor reason was paracetamol. You could buy a big bottle with 100 tablets, stick itin the medicine cabinet and forget about it as the whole family took one occasionally for a headache, a toothache, a hangover, a slight fever... Around a year later, I'd need to buy another box.

Now back in England, I'm apparently a risk to myself if I buy more than one tiny packet, so just to be safe, it isn't allowed.

For a different slant on evolution, see http://vimeo.com/13085676. Enjoy!

You're the second person to point that XKCD cartoon out to me!

I can't help wondering whether number 8 was selected for her on the very basis that you suggest!

Nothing at all to do with Liverpool, but yesterday's XKCD made me think of you:

http://xkcd.com/765/

Oh come on, Richard. You could have at least got her to expose the thong & the tasteful Kylie & Jake tattoo on her back.

As my dad would have said...'all that meat & no bread!'

I hope you managed to get the young lady's 'phone number.

Aaaah...That tumid, corpulent city. I arrived back there in 91 after a year away at UCL and striding down the road full of cosmopolitan vigour and bonhomie saw approaching me two ladies not dissimilar to the vision in your picture fighting over a bag of chips. Just before passed one of them hurled the open bag onto the pavement before me and exclaimed "Fuck off Marie!". Thank you for stirring such memories of home.

Canon EOS 5D Mk II. Photos taken every 5 seconds and converted into video using registered version of Quicktime.

Are you kidding?

Did I miss what camera it is?

Holding the camera steady for two solid hours seemed preferable to watching the soccer.

I've watched the clip a few times now & I am truly amazed. The fence posts didn't move at all. How did you manage to hold the camera so steady for two solid hours?

Well I think that's damn fine.

I've moved to a new job in Plymouth, btw.  At the end of the next street is a plaque commemorating the departure of the Beagle.

I'll go t' foot of our pigeon loft!

The words paint watching dry & like spring to mind. Wait a minute, did I see a Tellytubby lurking in the undergrowth?

Never mind the camera - I want your garden, and that view!

Maybe that's exactly what he meant to say!

If you're going to kick the man, kick him when he's down .... and dead

A sort of Egon toast.

I can't see this sort of thing without thinking of the two Ronnies "Featuring the Massed Bands of the Noise Abatement Society".

Years ago an acquaintance was boasting about belonging to Mensa, and asked I was too.  I told him I couldn't join because I was over-qualified.� He was in a snit for weeks.

I can just hear the Kwikfit man sucking his teeth and telling them they need new brakepads.

...which do no more than test whether or not you can do IQ tests.

...so it's a Mercedes Benz?

...actually, Janice was a typo: it is indeed spelt Janis. But not for the over-convoluted reasons you give.

Now, the way I see it, Richard......

If it was spelt JANIS it would have to be a Ford:

Ford make the Focus.

Focus were a Dutch rock band who recorded an album called Moving Waves.

Side one, track 3 of Moving Waves is a song called Janis.

Now read on. dot dot dot

It's not a Ford, and it's called Janice.

To narrow it down a bit...if it was a Ford Ka, would he call it Wayne?

If your new car is a Ford, will you be calling it Glenn?

Oh no he didn't!

...and you promised me, faithfully, you were going to buy a cow!

Mesmerising and other-worldly it is like a lullaby or a surreal trip to another dimension. Reminiscent of the Velvet Underground, Lou Reed and Brian Eno in a dangerously saccharin kind of way. Brilliant!

That checkout woman owes me a new keyboard!

True, you're not alone in noticing that either, check out Chris Woods - The Grand Correction for more 'fatty' Mears ribbing

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-Vxy68ssdo0

I often say I eat like a bird........my own body weight in food every day!

An election candidate in Wimborne is named Nicking. How quaintly apt!

Blimey! It works! Just forgot the word again, so I did the search and this post came up top of the list.

I'm nothing if not consistent.

MMMMMMMMM! roast potatoes and mint sauce!!!!

I share the view that everyone has a responsibility to use their vote. That said, if they're proposing to use it to vote BNP or UKIP, I'd be quite prepared for them to be disenfranchised on the grounds of racism, xenophobia, stupidity or any combination of the three.

A guy came to my door & told me that he was a Jehovas Witness. I said that I didn't even know there had been an accident.

Bob Monkhouse joke book, page 311

You know, I always wondered why choir boys have centre partings. So, who do you reckon has more fun....the catlicks or the mormons?

Watched it, loved it, bought it. Buena Salud!

Did you go to Brandi's in Napoli? The first ever pizza was made there & Pavarotti ate there regularly. We stayed in a village called Sant Agata which is up in the hills near Sorrento. The village bar (the smoking cat) is owned by the local mafia don. If you go into a bank, you have to leave your gun outside. How much limoncello did you smuggle back?

During his U.S. tour of 1988, Frank Zappa encouraged young concert goers to register to vote during the intermissions. This proved so successful that senators passed a law forbidding this from happening at rock concerts. Apparently they were happy with middle class, middle aged middle America voting, but didn't want too many young people influencing the polls.

All together now...God bless America, land of the free....

I notice you haven't put an arrow to indicate your hotel room. What kind of a tourist are you?

Did your camera get any good shots of the inside of the safe?

I have followed their story over the years with a warm glow.

and you're a nice guy for caring enough about her to put this up on your blog

Oh man! You just have to check out the Helsinki Mobile Phone Orchestra on Youtube...

Just discovered two Lord Buckley pieces on my iPod, which I share (sporadically) with my 15 year old daughter - which generallly menas I have to navigate around McFly and other such abominations. Now, I didn't put the Lord Buckley stuff on there; can this mean that the years of making her listen to quality stuff in the car (starpped in to her baby seat - brainwashing with no way of escape...) have paid off?

May your endpapers only ever be slightly foxed

Although I haven't done all of the elements shown in this video I have done some. Working in this fashion, with these tools and products is just THE most satisfying thing.

Do they have a corner where the light of the lord doesn't shine, especially for athiests?

My oldest boy is a plasterer. I nearly fainted after seeing him climbing a ladder while wearing strap on stilts and carrying a trowel and a bucket of plaster.

I would have taken the opportunity to dance on my grave.

I thought you would have learned how to get plastered years ago.

I'll get my coat!

Enjoyed the video, very relaxing 'til I had to dash to the lavvy.

Is there a prize for most easily predicted response?

Prince Charles must hate the second line of the National Anthem:"Long live our gracious Queen."

You should have posted it to me. I have a splendid fish filleting knife with a rather sexy leather holster and in our gang on the boat I was, I say without false modest blush, by far the best at filleting fish.

This didn't meant I was much good: I managed to get half decent fillets about 30% of the time, the rest it looked like I'd had at them with a chainsaw.

Why is that Yank clown using an utterly wrong knife? It should have a  thin, flexible blade. 

As a matter of interest, this year sees the 50th anniversary of the death of Lord Buckley. He doubtlessly inspired Tom Waites & stands in his own right as a very original talent. Check him out on Youtube, particularly his 'hip' version of Poe's 'The Raven' (which he renamed 'The Bugbird') He isn't for everyone, but as an impressionable teenager getting into 'alternative forms of audio entertainment', he held me spellbound.

To quote the previous headline - 'gets me right there'

Loved the photo....you look so much younger without the beard!

If you're a believer in homeopathy, does that make you homeopathetic?

Just wondering...

What's not mentioned is that when they were introduced these uniforms weren't popular with the Marks & Spencer staff.

"Too many English people are embarrsed about being patriotic"

�The way a lot of English people behave when abroad it's no surprise.

I said best not mention the rugby!

Too many English people are embarrsed about being patriotic - it's good to be proud, at least some of the time! Shame about the rugby :-(

Here's a recent YouTube clip about a woman who claims to have been cured of cancer by homeopathy. She's now a registered homeopath herself and comes out with the usual stuff about there's thousands of years of proof that it works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFm4uCxbMU0

It's truly amazing how much rubbish one person can say in a short tv news interview.

I just picked up an autographed copy of the John (Drumbo) French book 'Beefheart; Through the eyes of magic'. Over 860 pages of fascinating insights into living & working with the man. Plus there are lots of rare photos. You won't be able to put it down (the cover has glue on it!)

You need this...it'll open your pores!

I wonder Hewitt is!

Mr Owl (adopting the Paxo approach to Dizzee Rascal):

It's a good point well made. If only we could be certain whose idiot spawn Harry actually is...

I think Jeremy Hardy missed the point completely. Hence the old joke..... 'have you noticed how princes William & Harry both look like their fathers?'

If John Terry had been 'active' in the late eighties, he may well have swung in the direction of Harry's mom too!

On the subject of Prince Harry, Jeremy Hardy brilliantly described his father on the News Quiz as "the idiot spawn of incestuous German robber barons": like father, like son...

We 're heading off oop north today for the annual winter tour...Northampton...Skegness...Blackpool...Kendal. Just to remind ourselves of how you northerners live. It must be cold this time of year in those clogs!

When you said you had that little fat bird eating out of the palm of your hand, I naturally assumed.......

Yes, my own technique involved cutting off the head and using scissors!

That is possibly the most awkward way of filleting a fish I've ever seen.

As far as 'fellating' goes, I assume you were thinking of a blowfish

    - ta dah!

Well, they do need water there. They just don't need it with oddballs claiming magical properties for it in tow.

Six? No, that was the re-mixed version...we take three weeks ,dearie. Unless there's an R in the month, then we take four weeks. Your name does begin with a P doesn't it In that case it's five arrrrgggghhhhh!

I did wonder whether the pause before the mental bit at the end of Electricity might be 6 nanoseconds longer than normal.

In mono & segued together! There do seem to be minor differences. Iwill check with Biffy the Elephant Shrew. He is the oracle on all things FZ & CB

If they'd joined forces with the psychics they could have foretold the disaster and already sent out aid before the event. And why stop there? Get Superman to whizz around the world so fast it'll turn back time and he can prevent the earthquake from happening at all (and saving Lois Lane).

No wait, I've just remembered that was just in a fantasy film....

Assuming we were looking at the same thing on YouTube, it sounded just like the official/final version to me (complete with vinyl crackles).

I perceive grutness as a welcome periodic tangential distraction - something to be absorbed rather like the process of osmosis. I don't think I would like it thrust on me, but I guess that due to Jen's proximity to the grutmaster it is something that she finds difficult to avoid. I hope that's clear.

Jen just now:

Some people are born in Grutness, some achieve Grutness, and some have Grutness thrust upon them.