Gruts

I'll get my coat!

Enjoyed the video, very relaxing 'til I had to dash to the lavvy.

Is there a prize for most easily predicted response?

Prince Charles must hate the second line of the National Anthem:"Long live our gracious Queen."

You should have posted it to me. I have a splendid fish filleting knife with a rather sexy leather holster and in our gang on the boat I was, I say without false modest blush, by far the best at filleting fish.

This didn't meant I was much good: I managed to get half decent fillets about 30% of the time, the rest it looked like I'd had at them with a chainsaw.

Why is that Yank clown using an utterly wrong knife? It should have a  thin, flexible blade. 

As a matter of interest, this year sees the 50th anniversary of the death of Lord Buckley. He doubtlessly inspired Tom Waites & stands in his own right as a very original talent. Check him out on Youtube, particularly his 'hip' version of Poe's 'The Raven' (which he renamed 'The Bugbird') He isn't for everyone, but as an impressionable teenager getting into 'alternative forms of audio entertainment', he held me spellbound.

To quote the previous headline - 'gets me right there'

Loved the photo....you look so much younger without the beard!

If you're a believer in homeopathy, does that make you homeopathetic?

Just wondering...

What's not mentioned is that when they were introduced these uniforms weren't popular with the Marks & Spencer staff.

"Too many English people are embarrsed about being patriotic"

�The way a lot of English people behave when abroad it's no surprise.

I said best not mention the rugby!

Too many English people are embarrsed about being patriotic - it's good to be proud, at least some of the time! Shame about the rugby :-(

Here's a recent YouTube clip about a woman who claims to have been cured of cancer by homeopathy. She's now a registered homeopath herself and comes out with the usual stuff about there's thousands of years of proof that it works.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nFm4uCxbMU0

It's truly amazing how much rubbish one person can say in a short tv news interview.

I just picked up an autographed copy of the John (Drumbo) French book 'Beefheart; Through the eyes of magic'. Over 860 pages of fascinating insights into living & working with the man. Plus there are lots of rare photos. You won't be able to put it down (the cover has glue on it!)

You need this...it'll open your pores!

I wonder Hewitt is!

Mr Owl (adopting the Paxo approach to Dizzee Rascal):

It's a good point well made. If only we could be certain whose idiot spawn Harry actually is...

I think Jeremy Hardy missed the point completely. Hence the old joke..... 'have you noticed how princes William & Harry both look like their fathers?'

If John Terry had been 'active' in the late eighties, he may well have swung in the direction of Harry's mom too!

On the subject of Prince Harry, Jeremy Hardy brilliantly described his father on the News Quiz as "the idiot spawn of incestuous German robber barons": like father, like son...

We 're heading off oop north today for the annual winter tour...Northampton...Skegness...Blackpool...Kendal. Just to remind ourselves of how you northerners live. It must be cold this time of year in those clogs!

When you said you had that little fat bird eating out of the palm of your hand, I naturally assumed.......

Yes, my own technique involved cutting off the head and using scissors!

That is possibly the most awkward way of filleting a fish I've ever seen.

As far as 'fellating' goes, I assume you were thinking of a blowfish

    - ta dah!

Well, they do need water there. They just don't need it with oddballs claiming magical properties for it in tow.

Six? No, that was the re-mixed version...we take three weeks ,dearie. Unless there's an R in the month, then we take four weeks. Your name does begin with a P doesn't it In that case it's five arrrrgggghhhhh!

I did wonder whether the pause before the mental bit at the end of Electricity might be 6 nanoseconds longer than normal.

In mono & segued together! There do seem to be minor differences. Iwill check with Biffy the Elephant Shrew. He is the oracle on all things FZ & CB

If they'd joined forces with the psychics they could have foretold the disaster and already sent out aid before the event. And why stop there? Get Superman to whizz around the world so fast it'll turn back time and he can prevent the earthquake from happening at all (and saving Lois Lane).

No wait, I've just remembered that was just in a fantasy film....

Assuming we were looking at the same thing on YouTube, it sounded just like the official/final version to me (complete with vinyl crackles).

I perceive grutness as a welcome periodic tangential distraction - something to be absorbed rather like the process of osmosis. I don't think I would like it thrust on me, but I guess that due to Jen's proximity to the grutmaster it is something that she finds difficult to avoid. I hope that's clear.

Jen just now:

Some people are born in Grutness, some achieve Grutness, and some have Grutness thrust upon them.

Just been searching Youtube & found what is claimed to be Safe as Milk demos March 1967. I'd be interested in your opinion.

Also very early 'Don on the phone' on American Bandstand...classic!

That is a particularly nerdy observation, if I might say so.

ps. The video is from Pinkpop, but the audio track is from Drury Lane.

Have a nice one, Donnie!

It is indeed John Peel with a wig!

At first I thought it was my auntie Winnie, but she was in Australia at the time. Then I thought John Peel with a wig...but no...I give up...who is it?

The book was Seeing Further: The Story of Science and the Royal Society: 350 Years of the Royal Society and Scientific Endeavour by Bill Bryson (editor).

Well, at least she could read.

So, what was the book at £25 already? You blew your Xmas money all in one go.

Jack White has played a big role in shaping Indie and Rock music over the last decade. Check out the progression here http://bit.ly/7e2SfY some other really great bands are featured.

Beetroot soup? No wonder you felt rough sir.

You think you jest, Peter Mc, but I'll have you know that the full menu comprised:

• 4 separate appetisers (prepared by Jen & yours truly)
• beetroot soup
• choice of 3 different main courses (including said road-kill pie)
• 3 separate desserts

(We forewent the cheese and biscuits.)

And for the main course?

Happy New Year Richard - I see your resolution was to refuse to be constrained by apostrophes.

Anyone wondering what Martin is on about might like to check out my mini review of his book. Looks as if I'm going to have to tweak my content management system to allow comments on book reviews.

Hi Richard!

Happy New Year!

I like the pie

Just caught up with your comments on True North - glad you enjoyed it & I accept your point about the amount of Old North stuff mentioned in the book.  I think you have to do that, to counter the extraordinary prejudices of the grim brigade.  On the greenery, I specifically exempt the national parks etc - the five star stuff - cos its beauty is self-evident and the subject of countless existing books. Doesn't mean I don't see it as an essential part of our region's virtues.

Anyway, many thanks again for getting the book and all warm wishes

Martin

That'll be a 'four and twenty blackbird' pie then!  Happy new Year to you sir.

I'm not a big Clapton fan, although his performance on Stephen Still's 'Go Back Home' is a truly inspired piece of guitar-playing. In fact, I'm listening to it right now.

Thanks for that Richard. Still none the wiser! I'm an old git of 58 and not familiar with those three bands - I'll be happy to take your word for the guitar playing (that's polite speak for I don't intend to check it out!)

(Eric Clapton & Pete Townshend are pretty good though)

Happy New Year.

Jack White is such a prolific and talented musician that he has to be in three different bands, viz: The White Stripes, The Raconteurs, and The Dead Weather. He plays a pretty mean guitar.

I've heard of the Captain but WTF is Jack White?

Yes, I probably should.

get a life

Karen's very favourite song is Death Letter. Verses in this song turn up in just about every other Son House song ever recorded. You can find the words on the net (all 20+ verses). The sentiments & imagery are so heavy. My party piece is to do a pretty mean version of it, if I say so myself.

Wolf retired from being a TV Gladiator, presumably in anticipation of receiving such an offer. Now he sits by the phone every day, twiddling his pugil sticks, waiting for the call, pondering his career.

Another good way to inflict agony on yourself is........   (to be completed)     Merry Christmas to you and yours Richard

I've landed nite shifts all over Christmas. Think of me while you're sipping your single malt in front of a roaring fire...bastard

All the best...Nite

Don't you mean the Home Secetary?

Never mind Elvis: I think Richard has just left the building.

What gets me is use of three words: 'cogency', 'seriousness', and 'cohesion'.  Did this judge go to school at all?  Does he own a dictionary?

It's a bit frightening really. And you don't look like you would have a beard.

Oooh, look!....Brucie's fat twin!

I think you should be flattered that so many people read two year old comments on Gruts that it's worth even a robot's time spamming them.

Nice Owl!

I can't help it........laughter-lines? NOTHING is that funny!     Just call me Keith BITCH!

Yes, the eyes do look a tad green. They're actually azure blue.

...Oh, and so-called Keith Beach, those are laughter-lines, not crow's feet.

"O! beware, my lord, of jealousy; it is the green-eyed monster which doth mock the meat it feeds on."

"Can we get a runner to get some more vaseline for that lens. About a kilo should cover it".

Ah no. 'Tis a beautiful man you are, I'd go even closer. Say, six, maybe seven orders of magnitude closer. Let the true inner beauty shine out.

So anyway, about those crowsfeet......

Nice blog, I'll be back for another read.

I was sorry to read about your Mum. My family also share some great memories of Anglesey. 

Sigmar

PS. I found your blog by searching for fish names !  Can you believe it ?!  It returned this page in case you're interested...

gruts.com/richard/fish.htm

I saw a bottle of 30 year old Ballantyne's in the duty free shop. I figured that after my experience with a 4 year old bottle of Egyptian table wine, it could stay where it was!!!

Also, it's one thing to make a fuss about wearing a cross or a bed sheet, which in the end only marks you out as an irrational weirdo but this policetwat actually believes something that will be wasting police time. And worse than the time, it may well compromise criminal investigations.

The god botherers may well have faith in a magic man who lives in the sky but generally they seem to understand that while he listens to and answers every prayer, if you ask him where where the body is, he is surprisingly taciturn.

Capt Beefheart claimed to have telepathic powers: In an interview, he was asked if he had spoken to John Peel recently. He replied 'yes, I phoned him but he was out'.

I have never got this 'respect' thing. In my last few jobs they've always made a big thing about their equality and diversity policies - which is a good thing in theory, BUT in practice, what would have meant instant dismissal for one employer is tolerated for another - not very equal.

An example - Despite not declaring his religious beliefs upon employment a chap - just after he'd completed the usual 3 month probation period - suddenly remembered he was deeply religious and had to take every Friday off for prayer meetings. When the office secretary happened to meet him in a supermarket at the time he was meant to be there no action was taken apart from a scolding. I've nothing against religion (apart from being stupid and a waste of time that is), but so many companies are having to deal with multicultural issues for the first time that they get the balance and sense of it all wrong. I might insist that I'm gay and need Friday afternoon off so I can nap before a night out clubbing - they daren't refuse...

For those interested in such matters, the anti-spam code on newer (post-2007) Gruts posts is considerably more sophisticated than that on older posts. It was just too much hassle to convert all the old comments to the newer system.

General Melchett: Is this true, Blackadder? Did Captain Darling pooh-pooh you?
Captain Blackadder: Well, perhaps a little.
General Melchett: Well, then, damn it all! What more evidence do you need? The pooh-poohing alone is a court martial offense!
Captain Blackadder: I can assure you, sir, that the pooh-poohing was purely circumstantial.
General Melchett: Well, I hope so, Blackadder. You know, if there's one thing I've learnt from being in the Army, it's never ignore a pooh-pooh. I knew a Major, who got pooh-poohed, made the mistake of ignoring the pooh-pooh. He pooh-poohed it! Fatal error! 'Cos it turned out all along that the soldier who pooh-poohed him had been pooh-poohing a lot of other officers who pooh-poohed their pooh-poohs. In the end, we had to disband the regiment. Morale totally destroyed... by pooh-pooh!

A lot of people in this country pooh-pooh Egyptian rosé wines.

We bought a bottle of 1996 Egyptian rose' wine at a restaurant in Cairo yesterday & it smelled like toilet cleaner. It was called Obelisk. This is not a wine for drinking. It is a wine for laying down & avoiding. Another good fighting wine is...arrrgggghhhhh!

looks a little down in the mouth to me!

"There's a movement against using pie charts, because most people don't compare areas very well."

Surely this is madness, at least where pies are concerned.

Take your average man to a pie-shop and tell him he can have any slice he chooses for a set price. I will wager he will choose the largest nearly infallibly even if they are only a few % different.

If I were in charge this would be tested in a large Government-funded study using pies and cheesecakes. I'm sure I would be proved right. And I would probably be re-elected very cheaply because people like pie.

Areas of circles, of differing diameter, however, are notoriously difficult to judge. Offer a whole 4" pie or half a 6" pie and I would back the whole pie being chosen more than 50% of the time.

I agree - this chart must have been calculated to mislead.

PS your comment box does not like two spaces after a fullstop.

Actually, I spent several hours last week (post video) sweeping and scrubbing out the cellar in anticipation of startingto store some wine down there.

"Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeek!!!!!!! We've run out of wine!!!!!"

Oh, those empty racks. What an awful image. You're a sick man.

Horrific ending. Had you done that harder, you could have accidentally filmed a snuff movie. Scary.

The Carter Witch Project!

Oooh! That's spooky. (Did I see orbs?)

.,...and sunny delight would be an anagram of puke inducing muck, if the letters were the same!

Bob O'H, I actually prefer stacked bar charts, but people seem to prefer pie charts for some bizarre reason. I blame Florence Nightingale.

Huff should be required reading for all 11 year olds.  I use it with engineering undergrads now to make a tiny contribution to the spring tide of statistical ignorance.

Obviously you're getting in a Huff again.I totally agree - that is misleading.  Although the CoE being what it is, Catholics could become a subset if they wanted to.

There's a movement against using pie charts, because most  people don't compare areas very well.  A stacked bar chart is what is suggested instead, although that's a bit boring.

Many years ago I was attending 'Nightschool' at the Salford School of Management. The first lesson on Stats and Data was 'First decide what you want your readers to believe' then choose the data presentation systems that will put over your point of view.........

I think the modern term is 'Spin Doctor'

Regards.

As far as I am aware, Vimto is the only cordial which is an anagram of Vomit.

I have a sticker in my car, courtesy of Sainsbury's. It was designed to encourage us ecologically minded folk to re-use carriers. It reads 'take an old bag shopping'. The strange thing is that the 'old bag' put it there!

The spam code today is VIMTO. Must put it on the shopping list.

"However, I shall be taking a rucksack to Egypt in 2 weeks time..........."

Is that any way to speak of your partner?

In my part of the world, people who wear rucksacks...(is it wear one or carry one?) tend to wear cut off denims & wellie boots. They also generally can be seen carrying a gnarled stick.

However, I shall be taking a rucksack to Egypt in 2 weeks time. I shall send you a photo of yours truly, sporting said rucksack & standing next to a pyramid. Do you think we might get a trend going & ask others to send their photos of their rucksack bearing activities?

 Sorry...I had a momentary lapse of reality!

Fitz betrays his foreign roots by referring to 'Runcorn power station'. The far more popular local name is Fiddler's Ferry power station (which I'm sure an incorrigible old folkie like Fitz would heartily approve of).

It is the same power station which features prominently in the side-splitting TV comedy show Two Pints of Lager. I drive past it on my way to work and, on certain mornings, when the sun has just risen, and there is a layer of fog above the ground, it can look rather beautiful. Unlike the new sodding wind power station marring the moors above Rochdale, which has totally ruined the view from Blackstone Edge.

Chas Hodges was (and is) an unsung musical genius.  I pray you desist from further sullying his good name with any monstrous Garfunkel on the face of humanity associations...

Thanks folks for all the attention. Love it that Justin recognises the backstreets of Hunts Cross an all..

He'll also see that the route as portrayed on film is hopelessly jumbled. No sooner are we parking near the Hunts Cross surgery than we're spinning off gaily towards Widnes and all points beyond, Runcorn power station mysteriously appearing on the left as we venture southwards into the badlands of Cheshire...

By the way, I've put up a newer Dunlin video since this one: it's called 'A Gothic Fantasia, Part 1'... about nine minutes long and moving a bit closer to proper 3D animation, and something I'm feeling a bit chuffed about, whether or not anyotherbugger out there looks at it..

My father puts on his rucksack in the car. He has back trouble and finds that less twisting is required if he supports the weight of th bag on the seat as he puts his arms in.

He's 76 and probably 5'10''. I can't imagine that he was in Hebden Bridge on Sunday, but I shall check, just in case. Perhaps he is leading a double-life.

Gruts? Social?! Have they read this crap?

His wife was in the rucksack, perhaps?

Dear The Thorn Tree (or can I call you The?). I'll have you know that if brains were dynamite. dear Richard wouldn't have enough to blow his hat off!

Incidentally, the buggers in the NHS I.T. dept, have finally blocked all 'social networking' sites. So no more gruts on the night shift, or bukkake sites for that matter...ooh, what a giveaway!!!

May I suggest that the man was a severe hunchback and had resorted to this disguise to prevent humiliation. It's a theory....

By a strange coincidence, Jen and I saw our own house on telly last week... In a documentary about Sylvia Plath. I shit you not.

Oo, Hunt's Cross!� I live there!� And, oo, the Runcorn bridge and expressway!� I drive along that route every day to work!� I'm probably completely missing the deeper message, but am nevertheless high on the same thrill that we (maybe just I) feel when we see something familiar on the telly.

That's what I keep saying, but will people listen?

If only we could harness the power of your mind somehow....

First thing I've read since waking this morning. Very funny! Gave me a giggle or two.

It worked for the Ruskies...

You may have a point here....I mean, british politics could hardly be held in less esteem than it currently is....could it? Hang on though, I've just remembered Sylvio Berlusconi. Suddenly our chaps seem dignified.

also.....did you know that apart from being an ivory tickler (ooh er missus, they can't touch you for it! etc. etc), Chas played bass in a band called Heads, Hands & Tits Feet? Their rather excellent 'Warming up the tits band' is on the first Whistle Test DVD.

A girlfriend once warned me that if I touched her bra, my fingers would get burnt. Luckily, I didn't believe her!

Wasn't that a Carry On film?

The British army issue bra is called "The Sheepdog"...rounds 'em up and points 'em in the right direction.     boom boom!

I see the tits are separating. Applies to both stories I suppose.

snort. there's a sketch in there somewhere...

An absolutely lovely tribute. You don't seem too cuddly, but I'm hugging you anyway. I've always thought that giving your children the gift of a love of the natural world is one of the most profound things you can do as a parent, how wonderful to read this. My thoughts are with you during this crummy time.

Richard,

We haven't spoken in a few years but I've followed this website since. I'm so sorry to hear about your mum. My thoughts to yourself, your sis and your dad.

Take care

Andy

I'm truly sorry to hear of your loss. My mother died on 1 June; it would have been her birthday on 21 August. The pain for me is dreadful but I know will lessen in time and I hope that's true for you too.

Nope, not with you on this one.  The snake was unattended in the garden.  Other reports say the attack took place in the cat owners' garden, not the snake's.  A 4m python is pretty big.  Lucky it was a cat really, not a baby in a pram.  And a baby is also a member of a blood-thirsty predatory species, so what's the difference?  Seriously, the point is that large snakes are not included in legislation that covers other exotic animals.  Including them whould be as much in the animals' interests as the public's, anyway. 

I've just happened across your website and am very sorry to read of your mother's death. 

Condolences, Richard.

The despair of my yoghurt was founded on the loss of a close family member.  It's different for everyone, but it always hurts.

Thinking of you.

Chris

Sympathies to you, Richard.

Mate. Very sorry to hear this. I don't know what to say, except I'm thinking about you.

Can't imagine what that's like. All my sympathies to you and yours. Jon

She did a good job on you, which we all appreciate.

I don't know you in real life, but I've been following Gruts for a while now. My thoughts and sympathies are with you.

Louis