4th December, 1989.
Dear Dr. Bellamy,
Now here's a thing: my ex-colleague, Mr Fitzroy, and I recently had a rather silly disagreement over which of the world's fish is best: the bream or the trout. In the end, we decided to ask Sir David Attenborough to adjudicate (what with his being a bit of a fish expert and all). The general idea was that the person whom Sir David agreed with would be bought a pint of best bitter by the other chap.
Sir David very kindly replied to our letter, but, after criticising my use of the English language, he gave us the rather non-answer of smoked salmon! This, of course, escalated our disagreement as Mr Fitzroy now claims that he won the bet - smoked salmon, he claims, being closer to trout than to bream. He is now demanding his pint.
That's not right is it? I know that the salmon, whether smoked or tinned, is more like a trout than a bream, but it's not the same is it? I don't see why I should earn myself a reputation as a chap who doesn't settle his bets when I haven't even lost them. Don't you agree?
Now then, if I may make so bold, which fish would you have chosen? Would you have gone along with me (a Durham University graduate) or with Mr Fitzroy (a member of the Green Party)? I would very much appreciate your answer (unless, of course, it's trout). What do you reckon?