The House of Lords,
London. SW1A 0PW.
10th June, 1990.
Dear Lord Hailsham,
Now here's a thing: I read in Percy Richer's excellent book "Richer's Legal Nuggets: a money-saving guide to everyday legal problems" (ISBN: 0-356-12823-7) that you are in the habit of muttering the word "bollocks" whenever a hereditary bishop speaks in the House of Lords. This is right on! It's just the sort of no nonsense plain-talking I like to hear. You are clearly a lord after my own heart. It's about time those bishops were told what's what.
In addition, I am sad to hear about that right old kerfuffle in "another place" last week about the Nazi war criminals vote in the Lords. I hear that they are suggesting replacing your lot with an elected second assembly as a result of this vote. You may rest assured that you will certainly get my vote, should you choose to stand. Unfortunately, I cannot make the same promise to your worthy colleague Lord Denning, who, as far as I can see, is solidly wedged in the bishops' back pockets (if, indeed, bishops' cassocks have back pockets!).
While we're at it, tell me, which bishop would you say spouts the most bollocks? Personally, I reckon they're all just about as bad as each other, with the possible exception of the Bishop of Durham.